On Coming Home
For the last three weeks, I have been cocooning. Nestled within the walls of my home, I have kept close to shore, barely venturing out to see people or to get groceries. I feel I am still in the in-between time of landing and arriving. Being in this state has been a welcomed experience after traveling for three months and being away from most of what I'd call the familiar and routine.
It was a hell of a long holiday. It was a vacation of a lifetime. It was a trip.
My husband and I went to six countries, stayed in multiple places and had ourselves a seriously-good time eating way too much, drinking wine daily and spending time in a more relaxed and slowed-down manner than we're usually accustomed to. Yeah, I know. We live on Maui. How much slower can life be when you live on an island? A lot, actually.
And yet, time doesn't really slow down or speed up. It continues doing what it does every moment no matter where on the planet we find ourselves. The steady tick-tock, tick-tock keeps on whether we're off exploring another country or we're hanging out in our own backyard. Perhaps what happens when we're away from the familiar and routine, immersed in new experiences, languages and cultures, we make more time for listening and learning rather than talking and self-promoting. I know I did.
I was a helluva lot quieter than I usually am and surprisingly, I also felt a lot less confident than I usually do. Time became a dear friend that had the courage to ask me questions that I often don't want to know the answers to. Like this one...
Are you paying attention to your life
and how you're living it?
Well...yeah. I mean...of course I do. Shit. The truth is sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.
Sneaky and not-so-subtle that friend of mine is, time. And then there was this doozy one day while sitting atop the caldera in Santorini, Greece watching the wind dance across the Aegean Sea...
What do you want to be doing
with the time you have left?
What the hell? What kind of question is that to be asking me while I'm on vacation?
Time can be a real bitch, but she's damn smart and I know she's looking out for me. While sitting atop those white walls, I started looking out for her. And when I found the courage within me to answer that question she'd posed, I could have sat there all day long.
Just being...no matter what it is that I'm doing.
Being aware. Being real. Being present. Being vulnerable. Being love. If I'm not paying attention to how I'm being with myself and with others then it really doesn't fucking matter what I'm doing. I'm just wasting time and I'm just not going to do that any more.
So friends, please forgive me that I really haven't been in touch since I've returned. I had to come back and be at home for myself for awhile before I could be at home with all of you again. I look forward to being with you soon.